Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
