haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
