Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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