oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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