we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
