So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
