just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
