Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
