Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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