i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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