im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
