yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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