I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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