why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
