i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
