Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
