If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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