I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
