i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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