I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Sorry my hands just texted you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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