My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
