She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
