i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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