So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
