Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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