i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
