I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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