I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
