I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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