Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My vagina is officially offended.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
