the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
