Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
