youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just puked most of my soul out..
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