The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
