Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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