I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
