Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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