Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
