I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
