we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
