he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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