I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
