More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
