Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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