yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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