I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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