Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
