Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
