A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize