her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
