even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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