Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Don't make out with my wife yet
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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