her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
