Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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