He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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