No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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