Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
