she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
