Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
