My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
