this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
