Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
