No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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