remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
