Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
