Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
