I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
