Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
