You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
