apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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