i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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