My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
May the power of my ass compel you!!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize