Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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