The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You work out of a Hotel?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
