Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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