is your mom at the bar?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize