Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
