You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
