just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
