she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
