May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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